The Morality of Indian Sex

When we talk about consensual sex, whose consent are we talking about?

·         Why is it immoral to teach children about sex, but moral to ostracize those affected by STDs?

·         Why is it immoral to show sex on camera, but moral to force people to take part in pornographic videos?

·         Why is it immoral to share breathing space with a prostitute, but moral to force others into the same profession? 

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·         Why is it immoral to celebrate Valentine’s day, but moral to beat up people in order to prevent this?

·         Why is it immoral to have consensual sex before marriage, but moral to be raped after marriage?

A few years ago, when I was doing a research paper in my third year of college, I spent a few days poring over archives related to South-Asian sex and rape. I think I can honestly say they were the some of the most depressing days of my life. The reason? I realized at that point that for a vast majority of Indian women, sex is not about making love or an act of pleasure: it’s a painful chore that they have to endure according to the whim of their husbands. Painful because it was often in the form of abuse and rape. Of course, the government would never call it rape, because once a woman is married, her husband apparently has full rights to do with her as he wishes. A study mentioned that people see marital abuse as “ethically permissible.”

Sometimes I think that in India, marriage is merely a stamp assuring society’s consent to sex. Funny, you’d think the consent of both people involved would be given some priority as well.